January 2012
adele: i set fire to the rain
me:
mom:
adele: watched it burn
me and adele: AS I TOUCHED YOUR FACE
mom: please get your hand off my face i'm driving.
The American Government
Casey Anthony: So it's kind of obvious that I either killed my kid or knew about it and don't give a fuck lol.
Court: Sounds good. You're free to go.
OJ Simpson: So after being found not guilty for killing my wife, I wrote a book about doing it. That's kinda just slapping it in your face that I did it and you let me go.
Court: Nah, I know you're a good guy.
Teenagers: I can't really afford CDs or iTunes, so I download my music so that I can have it-
Court: How dare you breathe. How can you live with yourself?
When people stop in the middle of a crowded... →
the-absolute-best-gifs:
Genius Child by Langston Hughes
lifeintheseisles:
This is a song for the genius child. Sing it softly, for the song is wild. Sing it softly as ever you can - Lest the song get out of hand. Nobody loves a genius child. Can you love an eagle, Tame or wild? Can you love an eagle, Wild or tame? Can you love a monster Of frightening name? Nobody loves a genius child. Kill him - and let his soul run wild.
Watchthedailywhat:
In Case You Missed It of the Day: The second part of Stephen Colbert’s must-see sit-down with accidental-children’s-writer Maurice Sendak.
[colbertnation.]
See Also: Part 1.
The Collapse of a Species
rashadsays:
If I told you that pizza as you know it could very well drop off of the face of the earth within the next decade, how would you react? What about ice cream? Or persimmons, apples, pears and strawberries? If you’re from New York, that first question alone might’ve given you a heart attack. My apologies.
The staple cheese on pizza is mozzarella. Mozzarella is made from milk, which...
A teacher in New York was teaching her class about...
bulimickittens:
i wish everyone who ever bullied me reads this at some stage and realizes what the fuck they’ve done to me.
Playing With Telemarketers
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: That's right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
ME: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
ME: Yeah.
SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T &T?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?
ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family"
thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: click........
